Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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