i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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