so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
