Non-Jews are for practice
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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