yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
