did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it hurts more in the daytime
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
