3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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