he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My balls are so social today.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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