I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
