my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
