Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
