she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
