we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
