Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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