thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
