That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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