So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize