Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
