You're earring is so big in my mouth
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
