she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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