you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
