I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm like, not good at living.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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