I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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