i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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