brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
