Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
