I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
