you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
