i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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