I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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