i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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