I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
