i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
