Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Randomize
