Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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