note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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