Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize