Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
