my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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