tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
