I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
