just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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