dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
