The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize