did you get engaged???
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
