I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I checked into jail on foursquare
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
