She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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