Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
