I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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