Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
