There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
