I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
