We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
