The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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