Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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