I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dignity is for republicans.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
