But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
