hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
