i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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