I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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