Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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