I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
