i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
