if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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