You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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