Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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