I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
